X-mas lovin'z. :)

This Christmas was really good. We even did our german christmas tree song right! That hasn't ever happened!! (Atleast not since I can remember.) But of course I missed my little sister the entire time.

Right now I'm trying to write but I'm very nervous because a tan spider with a huge yellow butt is somewhere around here but I can't find it. It was on the wall and it fell. Now it's going to eat me.... I'm so dumb I couldn't just kill it with a tissue.

Tomorrow I'm going shopping with Michelle with my giftcards and then to the movies with her and my dad. And maybe Vince and Dev if they are back by then.

Soooo, that's it.
C:

Pain.

I am in a lot of pain right now. Yesterday I did thirteen miles (technically 12.94 mi.) on my treadmill. Melanie and Mark gave it to me for my birthday, and I have to admit I haven't been using it like I should. I'm going to now though for sure. :) Thank you both. So I'm extremely sore. All my muscles are like 'boo on you!!'. I don't remember where I heard that from. Anyway, I'm going to do another 15-30 minutes today, most likely 20 min. I know I must sound insane but I want to be healthy and toned and whatnot. Actually I want to run this marathon with Melanie if she feels up to it next year. It's the dead horse point downhill run in moab. 26.2 miles bby. She already did it once. First however, I'm going to work on raking the back lawn. That way I will have a little bit of exercise first. Sooo, now my grandparents can't say I'm doing nothing productive. They actually kept coming to tell me to get off of it because I was overdoing it. I guess for the first long stretch of time I did it roughly. But I'm fine with that. :)

So tomorrow I'm going to go check out of school. (Yay me!) Then I'm going to register for my new school, which I think I'm doing tomorrow as well. Please root for me. :) I need all the luck and confidence I can muster. I'm pretty excited tho'. I think that I can maybe really use this to help me. Hopefully I will graduate. If I do Michele said she would throw Devon and me a party. Haha, we both struggle with the aspect of graduating at least high school. But he is doing super well and I'm proud of him!

(For all of you who don't know Michele is my dad's fiance. They have been dating on and off ever since I was like five. Vincent and Devon are her two boys. The first is three years older than me and the second is my age. I grew up with them when I was little, but now it's weird to be around them. I don't really know them anymore. But s'all good. :) )

That's about it right now. I still miss my sister a LOT. She put blonde highlights in her hair yesterday. Oh gee, I liked her hair but if she's happy with it so am I. I know I talk about her as if I get to actually talk to her. But I haven't been able to hear her voice since about three or four months ago. I did get to send her pix texts of happy birthday words that I drew on my wall. (With permanent marker that will never come off, we'll have to paint over it. )

That being said, I have been pretty mean lately. Irritable. Annoyed. Mean. Cranky. Moody. Ect. I feel really really bad. I know it's awful and really makes me seem ungrateful. But I really am, I swear. I just need to find myself again. I lost Daniele a little while back. Hey, have you seen her? Maybe I should send in a picture to the milk bottle people.

Right now I'm just chilling with Maiya. She keeps falling asleep and snores like no other. Maybe even more than grandma. Then I end up waking her on accident and she keeping sighing, seeming pretty annoyed. Oh, one thing that I am feeling pretty okay about is the fact that I haven't pureed my skin with sharp things. Well, I haven't for a LONG time. (go me.) I only relapsed once about a month after I got out of BHI. But I have been doin' pretty well for my self in that aspect. I say this because lately I have been getting serious urges. I'm pretty confident that I won't. Mostly because of my grandma. :) I love her.

So, I'm off to rake the leaves. Love you all. Can't wait for Thanksgiving. I kinda wish that you all would try a tofu turkey this year. It would make me proud. :)

TTFN - Tigger.

Teehee.

Sooo, hmm. Lemme see what's going on.

Well right now I'm about to go to the mall with Melanie and Shannon. I never get to hang out with them so I'm pretty excited. I wish I could hang out with my other family buddies. (aka Allison & Paul's family and Micheal & Gage.) But I have awesome news; I got my invisiline on Tuesday! They bug so badly, but they are worth it. I actually lost themyesterday and was flipping out. How silly, right? I found them like hours later though.

So I'm done with Northridge. Very, very done. I don't like it, I mean it's better than the school I went to in NJ, but I just don't feel comfortable there. I used to have a bunch of friends, but they all went "poof!" Sooo, I decided instead of just deciding to drop out I'm going to give an alternative high school a shot. :) I'm pretty excited, I visited it last week and liked it. But I forgot my XANAX so I was pretty flippin' anxious.

<- My school, if I get accepted.

Speaking of Xanax, I lost it while trick-or-treating. I was so pissed. Now my psych dude is taking me off of it. I don't like him, I liked the one I had before.

I was really sad on Halloween. I miss my sister so so so much. SO MUCH. And I felt really alone. I've been feeling like that lately. I think I need to hang out with Maiya some more.
:)

Soooo, what else? I can't really think of anything at the moment. I wonder if anyone is going to go see the Twilight movie. I read the books a year ago and liked them. I haven't read the latest one, but I'm gonna re-read the other three again. It's been a long time, so I want to brush up on it. I think the movie will ruin it. They always do. But I really love the actress playing Bella. I've seen some of her movies and she is cool. :) So yeah.

Obama won. :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) !!! !! ! !! I'm excited, but I hate Biden (dunno how to spell that) he's creepy & shady, and gives off a bad vibe. I wanted Hilary. <3>

Brianna's 13th birthday!

Happy Birthday baby sister!!

OH MAN! My little sister is growing up so fast. I remember when she was born, thinking of what to name her, even what I was wearing that day. I love her so so so so so much.

Now she's all grown up, and I wish I could be with her to see it. Hopefully she'll come back to me soon. I'm going to try and succeed in life, so that if she needs my help, she can depend on me. I hope she sees this.

Mark's birthday, happy birthday. :) I don't know how old he is turning though. Hopefully the baby doesn't come yet today, he has to study way to much. On that note, I am SOOO excited for my two aunts Melanie and Shannon. They are preggo. Melanies almost ready to go. Hmm, lemme see. I need to do homework, I'm behind. Luckily all of my teachers are way cool and supportive. I need to work fast though, Ugly Betty will be on soon. :) I love that show, Betty is so optimistic and diligent.. I want to be more like her. So yuuuuuuuuuup. Oh and one more thing, I'm going to draw my sister. And I'm going to make it good, the best I can do. I don't know if I'll do it with pencils or oil pastels yet. Obviously I won't be able to mail it to her in time for today, I haven't even started on it. But I love her so much. In the 8th grade when we were out in Colorado I did a painting of her in art. I liked it, it's still with Calene. I need to get it. :) Yup, so I feel pretty okay right now. One minute I feel absolutely wonderful and the next I want to hide in a hole. But my medication is working, better than people think actually. It's really just the circumstances.

Anyways... oops I mean Anyway. Have a great day everybody.