Pleeeeease read this.
Well, only if you want to. Maybe it's way tl;dr (to long;didn't/don't read). But please do!
So it's only 12:30 am. Not too late in my book, especially when it comes to summer time. I was really exhausted around 10 but something really good happened. :)
I had a good, long, serious, emotional, sensitive, honest, open, heart-felt, and deep talk with grandma. I haven't done this pretty much since a month after Brianna left. So almost a whole year! I really needed it. I just vented my heart out. It was about Brianna and Michele. I know I was making her tired, it was not too long ago. I felt bad but she was really listening to me. It felt great, we talked for about an hour I think. I was glad to share some of my feeling and angst. I hope I didn't stress her out. It didn't seem to me like it did so much. But maybe she was hiding it. I love her very much. And am so thankful for her to be in my life.
Now, of course this doesn't mean that Sharon doesn't help me. She does loads of stuff to help me function correctly. I think she has been the best counselor I have had thus far. Although, for the most part all of them were unique and helped me in some way. I am very grateful to have had their advice.
__
So, today I hung out with Melanie, and a little with Shannon (their kids too of course :). ) Melanie and I dyed each others hair. I hadn't done it in so long. I looked dreadful! But now I really like it. It came out a little darker than intended.. but it will lighten a bit once I shampoo it tomorrow. I really love hanging out with my aunts. I trust them all very much. They are all third only to firstly grandma, and secondly my dad. I feel really loved when they are around. C:
Also it rained today! More like poured, then hail, then back to rain. Didn't last long but the raindrops were huge! It was sunny and warm and not too windy, with a little thunder in there. We opened all the doors and windows. It felt, smelled, and sounded so peaceful. I got a really good high off of it. Not sure how to explain it, there was just a very good vibe throughout. Perfect weather in my opinion!
So uhh, I missed Zumiez couch tour today. It was at the mall, it's always there. They've done it for.. I don't know how many years. But atleast a few. I missed most of last year's. The bands that were playing this time I wasn't really that into. The Bled, and Emery. Still appreciate their talent though.
Uhm, I was texting a lot of kids today. Being a little social. C: Also this girl and another girl that I think are pretty tight. I need to make some serious close friends starting either this summer or next school year. I mean I really NEED to. The last really close friends, almost family, I had were 3 years ago and in Colorado. I still speak to one in particular quite often. I trust him more than any otherrr guy in my life. And I still talk to some of the others, but rarely. He and I promised that if we both graduate and still want to see each other after that, we will. C: It is a serious contract man - to me at least.
__
So, here's the deal on the Pharm. Tech. I am still planning to do it. But I have no choice, I can only do it starting in the fall. The summer program started in April. What the french, toast? And they will only have it Mondays... and Wednesdays from 6 pm to 9 pm. Still determined but mega-ly disappointed. I hate it when people give you the wrong information. It buuugs. I honestly can say I hate false hopes. More than most things.
So June 25th-28th is the Utah Arts Festival in SLC. I really want to go, and am trying to talk almost everybody I know into going. I think it is really awesome to celebrate such a beautiful part of life. Ticket prices... Adults - $10, Seniors - $5, and ALL KIDS UNDER 12 ARE FREE!
What was that other thing I was going to put on here? Hmm, I forgot. Gosh darnit. This entry is so long! Sorry, just needed to put my thoughts down.
OH! So I am loosing this pesky weight I gained. I am feeling so so much better already. But I am nowhere close to where I was before the weight-gain. I think Trazadone caused my Binge-eating. I think it caused me to loose control of a lot of my impulses. Because after I weaned off I pretty much stopped. Then my Psych. Nurse put me on Adderall. Holy crap! It curbs my appetite. Exactly what I need at the moment. But the most important thing is that I will be able to concentrate more. I intended to use it for the summer pharm. tech program, but I still need it to make up some english credits. I have to do it with an english packet and the utah electronic high school. I have a seriously hard time paying attention to these things. I know that this Adderall will help. I had it the last few days of school and got some more credits in just that week! I also feel more energized and alert. It's really cool. No worries though, I don't have an addictive personality at all. I mean I have been on Xanax for over a year now. And I have been pretty responsible with it.
__
Soooooo, tomorrow I am going to paint Shannon's walls and earn some mula. Sweet. Now, any ideas of what to do this summer? I don't want to bum around the house for my entire last summer break! I am going to be a senior next year. INSANE. CRAZY. LUDICROUS. I'm still thinking about getting a job, but I'm reluctant. Who knows.. I might, I might not.
I want to do more stuff with grandma tho'. I've been thinking of a whole bunch of cheap fun things we could do. I love her so much. C: Did I say that already? I really do!
__
Uh that's it for now. I continued to talk with grandma until about an hour ago. I just kept rambling on. Geeze. Sometimes I get a little crazy hyper. Hypo-manic still sometimes, depressed others. But Lamictal sure does the trick for the most part. :) I mean I am allowed to have ups and downs some days right? I need my emotions. I know this for sure. I can function after all!
Bye-bye now. C:
Well, only if you want to. Maybe it's way tl;dr (to long;didn't/don't read). But please do!
So it's only 12:30 am. Not too late in my book, especially when it comes to summer time. I was really exhausted around 10 but something really good happened. :)
I had a good, long, serious, emotional, sensitive, honest, open, heart-felt, and deep talk with grandma. I haven't done this pretty much since a month after Brianna left. So almost a whole year! I really needed it. I just vented my heart out. It was about Brianna and Michele. I know I was making her tired, it was not too long ago. I felt bad but she was really listening to me. It felt great, we talked for about an hour I think. I was glad to share some of my feeling and angst. I hope I didn't stress her out. It didn't seem to me like it did so much. But maybe she was hiding it. I love her very much. And am so thankful for her to be in my life.
Now, of course this doesn't mean that Sharon doesn't help me. She does loads of stuff to help me function correctly. I think she has been the best counselor I have had thus far. Although, for the most part all of them were unique and helped me in some way. I am very grateful to have had their advice.
__
So, today I hung out with Melanie, and a little with Shannon (their kids too of course :). ) Melanie and I dyed each others hair. I hadn't done it in so long. I looked dreadful! But now I really like it. It came out a little darker than intended.. but it will lighten a bit once I shampoo it tomorrow. I really love hanging out with my aunts. I trust them all very much. They are all third only to firstly grandma, and secondly my dad. I feel really loved when they are around. C:
Also it rained today! More like poured, then hail, then back to rain. Didn't last long but the raindrops were huge! It was sunny and warm and not too windy, with a little thunder in there. We opened all the doors and windows. It felt, smelled, and sounded so peaceful. I got a really good high off of it. Not sure how to explain it, there was just a very good vibe throughout. Perfect weather in my opinion!
So uhh, I missed Zumiez couch tour today. It was at the mall, it's always there. They've done it for.. I don't know how many years. But atleast a few. I missed most of last year's. The bands that were playing this time I wasn't really that into. The Bled, and Emery. Still appreciate their talent though.
Uhm, I was texting a lot of kids today. Being a little social. C: Also this girl and another girl that I think are pretty tight. I need to make some serious close friends starting either this summer or next school year. I mean I really NEED to. The last really close friends, almost family, I had were 3 years ago and in Colorado. I still speak to one in particular quite often. I trust him more than any otherrr guy in my life. And I still talk to some of the others, but rarely. He and I promised that if we both graduate and still want to see each other after that, we will. C: It is a serious contract man - to me at least.
__
So, here's the deal on the Pharm. Tech. I am still planning to do it. But I have no choice, I can only do it starting in the fall. The summer program started in April. What the french, toast? And they will only have it Mondays... and Wednesdays from 6 pm to 9 pm. Still determined but mega-ly disappointed. I hate it when people give you the wrong information. It buuugs. I honestly can say I hate false hopes. More than most things.
So June 25th-28th is the Utah Arts Festival in SLC. I really want to go, and am trying to talk almost everybody I know into going. I think it is really awesome to celebrate such a beautiful part of life. Ticket prices... Adults - $10, Seniors - $5, and ALL KIDS UNDER 12 ARE FREE!
What was that other thing I was going to put on here? Hmm, I forgot. Gosh darnit. This entry is so long! Sorry, just needed to put my thoughts down.
OH! So I am loosing this pesky weight I gained. I am feeling so so much better already. But I am nowhere close to where I was before the weight-gain. I think Trazadone caused my Binge-eating. I think it caused me to loose control of a lot of my impulses. Because after I weaned off I pretty much stopped. Then my Psych. Nurse put me on Adderall. Holy crap! It curbs my appetite. Exactly what I need at the moment. But the most important thing is that I will be able to concentrate more. I intended to use it for the summer pharm. tech program, but I still need it to make up some english credits. I have to do it with an english packet and the utah electronic high school. I have a seriously hard time paying attention to these things. I know that this Adderall will help. I had it the last few days of school and got some more credits in just that week! I also feel more energized and alert. It's really cool. No worries though, I don't have an addictive personality at all. I mean I have been on Xanax for over a year now. And I have been pretty responsible with it.
__
Soooooo, tomorrow I am going to paint Shannon's walls and earn some mula. Sweet. Now, any ideas of what to do this summer? I don't want to bum around the house for my entire last summer break! I am going to be a senior next year. INSANE. CRAZY. LUDICROUS. I'm still thinking about getting a job, but I'm reluctant. Who knows.. I might, I might not.
I want to do more stuff with grandma tho'. I've been thinking of a whole bunch of cheap fun things we could do. I love her so much. C: Did I say that already? I really do!
__
Uh that's it for now. I continued to talk with grandma until about an hour ago. I just kept rambling on. Geeze. Sometimes I get a little crazy hyper. Hypo-manic still sometimes, depressed others. But Lamictal sure does the trick for the most part. :) I mean I am allowed to have ups and downs some days right? I need my emotions. I know this for sure. I can function after all!
Bye-bye now. C:
